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|Date:||9/18/2014 12:47:27 PM
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|Comment being reported:
I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.
She turned to me and asked, 'Are you having it catered'?
And that, my friend, is the definition of 'OLD'!
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes, I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that
Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God I live in Florida , I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to Join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour! But, by the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as
your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart
says, 'For fast relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, And the eyesight to tell the difference.
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