Editor's Note: This article was written entirely for fun on a Friday afternoon, and should not be taken seriously in any way. See the notes at the end of the article for more information.
How they will take over the world: Taking out the power grid.
There’s nothing more cute and loveable than a quaker parrot (Myiopsitta monachus), but naturalized quaker parrots have a habit of building gigantic nests on electrical power transformers. Big deal, you might say, but only a fool would think that. We’re waiting on the day they nest on that one transformer that takes out the power grid, sending us back to the Middle Ages. When they do that, who knows what our new overlords will do to us.
How they will take over the world:
Their acrobatic abilities and droppings.
If you have something a lory and lorikeet
wants, a lory and lorikeet will have it, and there is nothing you can do about it. Nectar? It’s all theirs. Shiny things? Theirs. Your shirt buttons? Theirs. But they don’t just steal it right in front of your face, they work in teams. One lory or lorikeet will distract you with some cute, acrobatics on your hand or arm while the other steals from you. We’re fully expecting a parade of hopping, dancing lories and lorikeets distracting us while the rest take over the White House. And they’ll defend it too —by spraying lovely, watery, sticky poops to trap us against the pavement and to scare the rest of us off.
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Editor's Notes: Naturalized quaker parrots have found a home in the United States and Europe, both which are far from their native range of South America. But for such a small bird, they get a bad, underserved reputation as pests. Learn more about these cute little birds at the Quaker Parakeet Society.
As for the lories and lorikeets, many species are endangered. Learn more about these birds at the Lory Conservation Network.