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5 Birds That Will Take Over The World

It won't be zombies or aliens that take over the world. Our bet is on these 5 birds that are secretly on the quest for world domination.

By Jessica Pineda

Editor's Note: This article was written entirely for fun on a Friday afternoon, and should not be taken seriously in any way.

 1) The Kea Parrot

Kea Parrot
How they will take over the world:
Decide we’re lunch.

Kea parrots (Nestor notabilis) might seem like not much of a threat at first glance … until you realize their beaks are sharp enough to cut through tires, and they’re known for preying on live sheep for the sheep’s fatty deposits above their kidneys. We can only hope the kea parrot never figures out that the way to our fatty deposits is to slash our car tires first so we can’t escape.

Also, they are ridiculously clever. Don't believe us? Watch this clip from the BBC's "Kea: The Smartest Parrot." Watch what they do to that car and see how smart they really are.



2) African Greys



Pictured: African grey parrot ordering its robot to take over the world. 
© iStockphoto/ThinkStock
How they will take over the world: Face it, they’re smarter than us. 

African grey parrots (Psittacus erithacuscan mimic people perfectly, so who’s to say in 50 years they won’t be using our voice-programmed robots to achieve world domination? "But they can only mimic!” you might say. Right. For now. There’s a reason African greys are known for being the Einsteins of the bird world—they’re more than capable of understanding grammar and math and are known for using complete sentences. It’s only a matter of time before they’re mimicking our voices to order one robot to keep watch on us, while the rest of the robots set off for world domination.

In case you don't believe us, here is the late, world-famous Alex the African grey, the subject of Dr. Irene Pepperberg's communication research, speaking. 

 

3) Quaker Parrots

Quaker parrots: the new gods for lightning and thunder?
How they will take over the world: Taking out the power grid.

There’s nothing more cute and loveable than a quaker parrot (Myiopsitta monachus), but naturalized quaker parrots have a habit of building gigantic nests on electrical power transformers. Big deal, you might say, but only a fool would think that. We’re waiting on the day they nest on that one transformer that takes out the power grid, sending us back to the Middle Ages. When they do that, who knows what our new overlords will do to us.

 
4) Lories & Lorikeets

Not only are they playful and acrobatic, they look like rainbows. How can you dislike these cute parrots?
How they will take over the world: Their acrobatic abilities and droppings.
 
If you have something a lory and lorikeet wants, a lory and lorikeet will have it, and there is nothing you can do about it. Nectar? It’s all theirs. Shiny things? Theirs. Your shirt buttons? Theirs. But they don’t just steal it right in front of your face, they work in teams. One lory or lorikeet will distract you with some cute, acrobatics on your hand or arm while the other steals from you. We’re fully expecting a parade of hopping, dancing lories and lorikeets distracting us while the rest take over the White House. And they’ll defend it too —by spraying lovely, watery, sticky poops to trap us against the pavement and to scare the rest of us off.

5) Zebra Finches

You gotta' admit, zebra finches are cute. And they make the cutest little beeping noises. Who's a cute overlord, zebra finch? You are!
How they will take over the world: By complete accident.


There’s one thing that zebra finches (Poephila guttata) like to do: breed. If a few get loose, their numbers would grow exponentially within a few years because they’ll do their best to breed with other finch species. So not only will we be swarmed by an army of zebra finches, we’ll also have to deal with their cute, super-hybrid offspring. To be fair, we might be able to peacefully co-exist with the zebra finches and their hybrid offspring, but they will outnumber us a billion to one.

So, tell us ... How will your pet bird take over the world?


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Posted: May 27, 2011, 2:30 p.m. PST

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5 Birds That Will Take Over The World

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Reader Comments
I have an African Grey. He's (Toby) a genius in feathers. Mine will take CD's out of the player, turn microwave on oe off, change channels on TV w/ remote. All he has to do is watch me do something and he's got it down pat!
Jan, Kaukauna, WI
Posted: 2/15/2016 1:33:44 PM
In my opinion there are at least 10 parrots capable of taking over the world.
1. Amazons must be included, their noisy & amusing ability to mimic is almost as good as the African Grey, with a much nastier bite.( I know as I own both breeds).
2.Macaws but particularly the hyacinth macaw. It's ability to mangle metal and crush even macadamia nuts gives it a vote from me.
3. The Goffin Cockatoo with its fun energetic attitude,& propensity to dance to various beats
4. The Eclectcus- particularly the female Eclectus known as the black widow of the bird world due to the fact that after mating some female Eclectus are known to kill their male counterparts. ( women may indeed take over the world if its up to the Eclectus' .
5. The Toucan- with their omnivorous diet threatening sounding call and large size, this breed has ample power to take over the world.
Kate, Savannah, GA
Posted: 12/24/2012 7:53:37 AM
I had no idea about the Keas, but I knew the AGs would be on there. Parrots rule! :P
Callie, Campbellsport, WI
Posted: 12/21/2012 12:36:51 PM
As an African Grey owner I am happy to see them on the list.
Robert, East Haven, CT
Posted: 12/21/2012 12:11:06 PM
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