Memo: To Parker & Pepper
Dept: African Greys
Subject: Note From Nan
Guys? I got a note from your Auntie Nan when I got home from my trip. You may recall that she looked after you this past weekend while I was gone. I think her note speaks for itself. I’ll allow time for comments, alibis and apologies when I’m done reading it to you.
Things went as well as could be expected while you were gone. It would have been nice if you had remembered to put Pepper back in her house before you left. I did the best I could mopping up the water she splashed from her playgym water bowl onto your living room chair.
I don’t know what Mattie’s been eating or what she got into, but don’t worry. I opened up all of the windows to let your place air out. The beige oriental carpet that was in your office is at the dry cleaners.
I tried to mend the holes Parker made in the couch slipcover as best I could. He snuck onto it while I was making their dinner. I couldn’t find the sewing kit. I hope the staples hold.
The package delivery guy was here and dropped off a box from that bird toy company. You might want to tip him or apologize or something because, when he was meeting Parker, Parker pooped on his uniform. You know how picky those guys in brown are about their appearance.
Sorry about the basil plant.
Do you think BIRD TALK would be willing to send you another copy of your check? I ran out of staples.
I don’t know how to tell you this, but I was watching "Scarface” on your TV last night, and Pepper learned a new word. It rhymes with "truck.” How long did you say it would be before she forgets a word if we ignore it?
You were never really very fond of that first edition, autographed copy of "Alex and Me,” were you?
It got chilly in here the other night, so I borrowed your cashmere sweater. I didn’t even bother with the staples. It’s a goner.
You might want to call Bill and tell him to bring his caulking gun over. Pepper went after the commode caulking again.
Parker got enthusiastic and chewed through one of Mattie’s dog toys. It was made of plastic, and I don’t think he swallowed the squeaker. I squeezed him just to be sure and he didn’t squeak, so I think we’re OK.
And speaking of Mattie, are Parker and Pepper allowed to ride around on Mattie’s back? I never saw them do it before. I don’t think Mattie liked it very much. She’s under the bed again and won’t come out.
On a bright note, I replaced your rum. After this weekend, I needed it and I thought once you read that letter you received from the Condominium Board of Directors on the front porch about Pepper’s "language practice” during the first-grade class pool party, you might want one, too.
See you tomorrow, and welcome home.